


novae

by truehumandisaster



Category: Captain Marvel (2019), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, and then it doesn't matter, carol danvers is a shining beacon, when you come to the slow realization you Have Emotions, yon-rogg is not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-11-15 21:11:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18080963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/truehumandisaster/pseuds/truehumandisaster
Summary: here is a truth: yon-rogg is not a beast. he feels -- even when he is so vastly desperate not to.





	novae

Here is a memory, one that tastes of power and possibility: he is young, a boy fresh and new and with a smile that is as easy as belief. He is on the bank of a river. He is staring at the sky. Nearby, an army gathers, but they do not pay the boy any attention. Closeby, there is a line of boys seeking a glimpse of them all -- of the force of their world. The army is gathering before moving on to a new planet, one they will save yet again. The line of boys hopes to impress their fathers and brothers and neighbors and friends before they leave. Yon-Rogg, however, has snuck a different path; he understands the importance of subtlety. He waves goodbye to a hundred Kree who will never come home. 

* * *

He calls her Vers, and it is like trying to find a name for the sun. There is a pulsing force in her -- fusion, gravity, nova. It twists his mouth into a frown.  _ Her power will die _ , Yon-Rogg thinks,  _ all pale and fragile and alone _ . And so he kneels beside her and exposes his arm. His blood moves into her, and red gives way to blue. He has never given before. It is not their way.  _ Her power will die _ turns into  _ she is not strong enough to survive _ . A delicate pink, so at odds with the harsh lines of her brows, her jaw, her hands, begins to return to her cheeks.

* * *

Here is another memory, this one of heartbreak: Yon-Rogg is older now, a man just turned. Laying by his feet, in pools of blue thicker than any water, are a hundred of his fellow soldiers. They are broken. They are dead. He steps over the bodies. To take a moment to mourn is to die, and he refuses to succumb to death here. His face is carved stardust -- collapsing, black, nothingness. He will be the only survivor of this attack.

The Supreme Intelligence is the only one who feels the depth of his sorrow; even he has swallowed it, kept it deep in a pit in his stomach. It rots there, the grief, and the rot grows. For the first time, he is silent in the face of the Supreme Intelligence. He does not look at the being -- this is his secret. He never looks at it. He does not want to see the truth it gives.

_ They are dead,  _ it tells him.  _ You are not. Keep careful with your emotions, Yon-Rogg, or you will falter next.  _

He is devotion, and he listens to the Supreme Intelligence without making a sound. 

* * *

He keeps the half of her dog tag that tells the truth of her, and he knows it is dangerous, that it is foolish, but he keeps it in a chest with the only other personal artifact he possesses. It is a disc with the short film of a woman on it -- a Kree woman smiles, spins, laughs at something he said. She dies an hour after it is taken in an explosion that decimates their ship. The woman dies, and the man mourns; he takes her memory and makes armor of it. Yon-Rogg places the dog tag with the disc because women died for that too: Mar-Vell, traitor, and Carol Danvers, a memory now.

He does not look at the two objects. They remain in a chest. He does not think about them.

During training, he taunts Vers, and she blasts him so hard, he crashes into the wall. He is knocked unconscious, and in his state, he dreams. He dreams of a glowing woman, of a laughing woman, of a woman he should have killed. He dreams of red blood turning blue. He dreams of the flush of her cheeks.  _ She will be ready, she will be ready, she will be ready.  _ He dreams of -- everything. There is a moment, there is a memory. He dreams.  _ A distraction _ . He dreams.  _ You are not as strong as you think, _ he tells himself.

When he wakes, Vers is kneeling beside him, her hand on his chest. It is as if she has blasted a hole through him, and he shoves her away, leaving without a word.

* * *

 

Here is the last memory, this one cruel: they sit beside one another, the mentor and his protegee. No, that is wrong -- the thief and his prize, the commander and his weapon. They sit side by side, and a fear slips through his lips. Just one. He does not mean for it to happen, but the sky is spilled open with stars and the darkness is desperate to pull secrets from them both.  _ I will not be weak _ , he tells her.  _ I cannot laugh, cannot cry, cannot love. It will be the death of me.  _

She takes his hand, and if she had said anything, anything at all, he would have rolled his eyes and moved on. But she is silent. She simply lets the truth settle between them, familiar and burning. It is holy. It is cruel. His devotion is to the Kree, but for a moment, one horrifying moment, it almost slips. 

When he goes to the Supreme Intelligence next, he looks at the being before him. Carol Danvers, that damnable smile on her face, the smile that means trouble and sly comment and distraction, stares back at him. 

* * *

 

_ I’m so proud of you, _ he tells her. He can see the earthquake in her -- how the energy rolls through her, how the anger and betrayal and brilliant hope all turn to heat in her hands. He sees how it is emotion that guides her, and even now, even with the power of a galaxy staring back through blue eyes, he wants her to shed it. He means his words, but he is angry too. Emotions crack him, tiny slivers of light forcing their way to the surface. He has failed after all. He wants her to be the one to do it, to kill him then and be done with it. This is the end of his story, he believes. It has to be. 

_ I have nothing to prove to you, _ she says. It is the simplest thing in the world, and it is so wholly honest, so holy honest, it nearly destroys him. It is a pain sharper than injury. 

It is only when his ship jerks into space that he realizes how dangerous she really is. 


End file.
